midnight mumblings

I don’t know what I believe about anything anymore.  All I know is that it’s important to be as kind as possible to strangers and as happy as possible with the situation you’re in.

I don’t even know where to start with this one.  My lowest point of the last year was probably when I was dating Quentin, he was annoying and really immature and made me feel like shit all the time.  For a while after I dated him I didn’t do anything except hang out with friends and that was a really fun time for me, as I hadn’t really been able to do that before.  This was probably the higher point of that year, if not toward November and December when Colton and I started hanging out more outside school and stuff. 

last night was awesome, and I’m pretty positive I’m gay.

It’s mostly garbage, but every once in a while there’s a diamond to be found in the rough.  I don’t have a CD player and my tape player doesn’t work in my car so I listen to a lot of classic rock stations, but once in a while I’ll switch over to a station with some newer stuff.  I like a station I’ve found called Generation X and they play hip hop, rap and rock stuff from the early 90’s to the early 2000’s. Preferably, though I’d like to listen to something more relaxing like the Avett Brothers or Pearl Jam.

I don’t really use Tumblr enough to have a favorite user.  :/

thegrownupkid:

And my favorite,

i hate what i’ve become.

this thing with Blake and I is going too far, this is me stating to myself that we are over, and that we need to stay this way.  I refuse to allow him back into my life.

My earliest memory is my brother flying me around in a clothes basket telling me I was a witch and hitting my head on the ceiling fan.  I miss my brother, Tumblr has just reminded me to call him soon.

fuck I’m happy. 

I’d love to move to or visit several places (realistically)

One of them is here:

Otherwise known as Eureka Springs, Arkansas - possibly the most beautiful, peaceful, wonderful place I’ve ever been to, or in existance.  Wouldn’t mind living here a bit, the people are wonderful, and so is the town.  Immediate feelings of joy surround me when I’m there.

The other is here:

This is a Navajo reservation just outside Pheonix, Arizona.  I would really like to move to Pheonix after graduating high school and go to college there.  The state is beautiful, and there’s all kinds of cool stuff to do.  Not saying there’s not in Arkansas, but you get the picture (ha-ha…lamejoke)

Other than that, I’d love to visit Memphis to see my brother and to go to clubs and things, and I’d absolutely love to go to both Germany and Greece.  In fact, a tour of Europe doesn’t sound too bad.  :P

This is a rather interesting day to have to bullet.  :)

• Woke up and took a shower, got ready for school.
• Decided halfway through dressing myself to look like a dyke today.
• Put on pinstripe blazer and skinny jeans with white v-neck and rainbow belt.
• Looked for clarinet, I haven’t seen it in weeks.
• Decide it’s been stolen, get really upset - then rationalize it may be at school.
• Go to school, check for clarinet in band room - no luck, get upset.
• Decide I remember where I left it.
• Go try to find it.
• Discover it is not there.
• Find it in Mr. Hogard’s office 1 hour before we leave for All Star tryouts, discover he’s thrown out all my Legére reeds and other broken-in reeds.
• Get pissed, but remain calm.
• Get new reed and practice music for rest of period.
• Call mom to check me out so I can go home and get money I remember I left at home.
• Tell Destany I am going home, ask if she wants anything.
• Create list of things to bring from home/pick up at Kum and Go.
• Go home to get money, lunchbox and oreos.
• Go to store and get stuff on list.
• Go back to school.
• Leave for All Star tryouts.
• Munch and talk on the way to Searcy.
• Get lunch from Quizno’s with Megan Espy.  (:S)
• Eat lunch in Taco Bell with Destany and Oscar.
• Go to tryouts.
• Practice compulsively.
• Get piggy back rides from Jordan and Oscar.
• Listen to Oscar try out.
• Try out two people after Oscar.
• Go back to the gym and let Destany practice.
• Sit with Destany while waiting on her tryout.
• Solve dilemma involving Destany’s tryout number.
• Chill for 2 hours (consisting of: making fun of Michael Jackson kid, texting Stephen and Alex and Perri and Jessy, eating, more piggy back rides, sitting, cursing, laughing, joking, etc)
• Find out I made 4th chair.
• Go to bus, sit for hour and a half talking shit about Mrs. Reddell.
• Call Hogard, find out when we are leaving.
• Leave tryouts.
• Eat at Burger King.
• Leave Searcy, fall asleep on bus ride home.
• Lose keys, panic, find keys, feel relieved.
• Drive home.
• Talk to my mother about shitty nature of my father.
• Play with Miss Kitty.
• Get sad, she is leaving tomorrow.
• Play with her.
• Hate everything about my existance.
• Tumblr.

My iPod’s outside in my car right now, I’m just going to use my music player on my computer.  :P

1. Ganja Babe - Michael Franti and Spearhead

2. We Will Rock You - Queen (I have a greatest hits album on my computer)

3. Bella’s Lullabye - FUCK YOU

4. Breakdown - Seether

5. Paper and Pen - Devinewrite

6. Beer - Seether

7. Get Busy Living or Get Busy Dying - Fall Out Boy

8. XO - Fall Out Boy (<3)

9. O Sunrise - Matt Hines

10. Flightless Bird, American Mouth - Iron and Wine

I feel like I care about you but I’m afraid to get hurt so I’m going to pretend not to as much, ok?  Ok.

My first love….Jordan Greenway, why is this the second time you’ve ended up in my blog? 

Jordan and I had a ridiculous connection, mostly because we liked the same music and because I was super nice and not a crazy psycho bitch at that time.  I really, really cared about him, and I know he cared about me too, even though we were little kids.  We broke up after dating for like, 7 or 8 months?  I can’t remember anymore.  I shared my first “kiss” with him as well, the first real kiss was at school, after a dance - I used to love those things! - and the first time we actually “kissed-kissed” was at the fair on the octopus ride, completely teenage fantasy, completely perfect, completely nerve-racking.  It was beautiful, and I couldn’t have imagined it any better. 

I hope my future’s happy.  I think that’s all there is to say about this one.