midnight mumblings

you want to be mad at me because you say i don’t want to try and mend our friendship but that’s the furthest from the truth.  i’d like nothing more than to have someone i could call anytime i need something or just feel like crying and venting.  i can’t.  this shit, this is a part of me that doesn’t seem to want to leave.  it isn’t that i don’t care enough to try, it’s that i’ve tried in vain for so long that i’m fed up now.  i don’t want to hurt you anymore, i just want to distance myself from you and avoid the situation altogether because, let’s face it, i’m a terrible friend and a terrible person in general.  i blame everything on everyone else and whoever i care about the most usually bears the brunt.  you catch so much shit from me because i love you so much.  i just wish you understood that.  no way to make you see or make you understand, though.  and there’s no way to take back what i’ve done.